27 Sep 07

the greatest list of nicknames ever.

1. Stewbuilder Dennis
2. Cholly the Yegg
3. Holden the Expert Dreamtwister
4. The Rzav
5. Jack Skunk
6. Jack Skunk Fils
7. Lord Dan X. Still Standing
8. Marlon Fitz-fancy
9. Bazino Bazino, The Kid Whose Hair Is On Fire
10. Whispering-Lies McGruder
11. Nit Louse
12. Dan’l Dinsmore Tackadoo
13. Hobo Zero
14. The Silver Jacket Man
15. No-Shoulders Smalltooth Jones
16. Sisterly Brotherly Nabob
17. Name Withheld
18. Staniel the Spaniel
19. Fredrick Bannister, the Tree Surgeon
20. Tarnose Cohen
21. Mr. Wilson Fancypants
22. Floyd Dangle
23. Shane Stoopback
24. Wicked Paul Fourteen-Toes
25. Normal-Faced Olav
26. Tearbaby Hannity Stoop
27. The Damned Swede
28. Pierre Tin-Hat
29. Ol’ Barb Stab-You-Quick
30. Mr. Whist
31. James Fenimore Cooper
32. Twistback John, the Scoliosis Sufferer
33. Sweet Daddy Champagne
34. Senator Cletus Scoffpossum
35. Horus, the Bird-Headed Fool
36. 50-Tooth Slim
37. Monk, the Monkey Man (which is to say: “the Man”)
38. Thad the Bunter
39. Balloonpopper Chillingsworth
40. All-but-Dissertation Tucker Dummychuck
41. Finnish Jim
42. Flemish Jim
43. Foreign Tomas, the Strangetalker
44. Roadhouse Ogilvy and Sons
45. Jokestealer John Selden
46. Gizncarlo, Master of the Mental Trapeze
47. Dr. Bill Stain-Chin, the Boxcar Medic
48. Boxcar Ted
49. Boxcar Mick
50. Boxcars [sic] Timothy Twin
51. Boxcar Jones, the Boxcar Benjamin Disareli
52. Boxcar Aldous Huxley
53. JR Lintstockings
54. Gila Monster, Jr.
55. Irontrousers the Strong
56. “X,” the Anonymous Man or Woman
57. Orphaned Reynaldo, the Child with Haunting Eyes (while there were
children hoboes, Reynaldo took this name when he was 45; prior to
this, he was known as…)
58. Reynaldo Reynaldson, Who Will One Day Kill His Father
59. Thoughtless Harry Hsu
60. Clinical Psychiatrist Hugo Rivera
61. Peter Ox-Hands
62. Ponytail Douglas Winthrop
63. Lil’ Jonny Songbird, the Songbird-Eater
64. King Snake: the Eternam Mystery
65. Ghostly Nose Silvie
66. Fonzie
67. DiCapa the Hound
68. Beef-or-Chicken Bob Nubbins
69. Honest Amelia Dirt
70. Slow Motion Jones
71. Canadian Football Pete
72. Meep Meep, the Italian Tailor
73. Jonathan William Coulton, the Colchester Kid
74. Maria the Pumpkin-Patch Crooner
75. Bix Schmix
76. Vice President Garrett Hobart
77. Stun Gun Jones
78. Prostate Davey
79. Flea Stick
80. Niles Butterball, the Frozen Turkey
81. Todd Flour-Flush
82. Stick-Legs McOhio
83. The Unanswered Question of Timothy
84. Micky the Assistant Manager
85. Guesstimate Jones
86. Goofus
87. Gallant
88. Sir Roundbelly DeDelight
89. Newton Fig
90. Chicken Nugget Will
91. Parlor Peter, the Sneak Thief
92. Ovid
93. Bathsheba Ditz
94. Alan Pockmark, Esq.
95. Lolly Hoot Holler
96. Von Skump
97. Lonnie Choke
98. Chisolm Chesthair
99. Freak Le Freak, the Freakster
100. Rex Spangler, the Bedazzler
101. Randall Mouth-Harp
102. Chrysler LeBaron
103. The Fisnin’ Physician
104. Persuasive Frederick
105. Celestial Stubbs
106. Teary-Eyed Fingal
107. Mairah Nix
108. Cthulhu Carl
109. Del Folksy-Beard
110. No-Banjo Burnes
111. Chainmail Giles Godfrey
112. Lois “Charles” Ladyfinger
113. Plausible Zane Scarrey
114. Huckle Smothered
115. MmmmmDandy Dundee
116. Mountain-Humper Edgar Ames
117. Spasmodic Hilary
118. Doc Aquatic
119. Molly Bewigged
120. Cincinatti O’Gurk
121. Metuchen O’Sullivan
122. Cherry Hill O’Manley
123. Cheesequake O’Lennox
124. Booper O’ Montauk
125. Zaxxon Galaxian
126. Drinky Drunky Thom, the Drunk
127. Terry Gross
128. Spooky-Night Spooky Day
129. Zipgun Gloucester Gluck
130. Human Hair Frum
131. Sherlock-Holmes-Hat Carl III
132. Patrick Intergalactic
133. Ambidextrous Stang
134. Yum-Yum Sinclair Snowballeater
135. Ponz-Scheme Jeremiah Ponzi
136. Toodles Strunk
137. Monkeybars Matthew Manx
138. Pineneedle-Jacket Jericho Fop
139. Roobert the Tot
140. Robert the Child-Sized
141. Robert the Miniscule
142. Robert the Wee
143. Robert Fits-in-a-Case
144. Robert Eats-for-Free
145. Robert Is-He-an-Elf? (The seven Silk brothers, all named Robert,
were also known for their small stature and predictable bitterness)
146. Dennis Big-Ear Fox
147. Jethro the Pagan
148. Asterix the Gaul
149. Black BOlk, King of the Inhumans
150. Strictly Local Henry Bobtail
151. Manny the High-Ranking Mason
152. Fry-Pan Jim Fry
153. Slo-Mo Deuteronomy
154. Half-Bearded Mark
155. Knee-Brace Kenny
156. Morris the Personal Trainer
157. Thundertwine
158. Cleats Onionpocket
159. Deformed Abe
160. Trainwhistle Abejundio
161. David No-Ears
162. Achilles Snail-Hair the Buddha
163. Frog-Eatin’ Lou
164. Admiral’s Club Wilbur
165. Max Meatboots the First-Class Lounger
166. Dora the Explorer
167. Ms. Mary Manx, the Tailless Cat
168. Free-Peanuts Doug
169. Steve the Human Tunneler
170. Redball Charlie Dickens
171. Twink the Reading-Room Snoozer
172. Microfiche Roy, the Side-Scroller
173. McGurk, Who May Be Found by the Card Catalogue
174. Booster D’Souza
175. Commodore Sixty-Four
176. Moped Enid, the Mopedist
177. Lamont the Junkman
178. Fast-Neck Nell
179. Bill Never-Uses-a-Cookbook
180. Bee-Beard
181. Lil’ Max Meatboots
182. The Personal Secretary to Jed
183. Dee Snider
184. Sausage Patty
185. Desert Locust
186. Gummy Miles
187. Gyppo Moot, the Enigma Machine
188. Ol’ Sniffpants
189. Skywise the Sexual Elf
190. Craine T. Eyebrow-Smeller
191. Lonely the Heiney Alan Meister
192. Shakey Aich the Boneyard Concierge
193. Woody Damn
194. Alatar
195. Pallando
196. Saltfish Bunyan
197. Poor, Poor, Poor Charles Short
198. Venamous Byron
199. Five-Chambered-Stomach Mort St. John
200. Gravybelly Dustan
201. Extra-Skin Dave
202. Beanbab-Chair Bill
203. Grant Sharpnails, the Scratcher
204. Tommy Lice-omb
205. “Medicated Shampoo” Jonah Jump
206. General Woundwort, the Giant Rabbit
207. Genius L. Cravat, the Gentleman
208. Giant Bat Wings Roland
209. Nick Nolte
210. Salty Salty Friday
211. Fatman and the Creature (note: there was no creature)
212. Cecelia Graveside
213. Hoosegaw Earl French
214. Stymie Stonewrist
215. Roadrunner “Meep Meep” Fabong
216. Bruised-Rib Johansson, the Beefer
217. Joachim Bat-in-Hair
218. Food-Eating Micah
219. Rubbery Dmitry, the Mad Monk
220. Honey Bunches of Donald
221. Crispy Morton
222. Feminine Forearms Rosengarten
223. Two-Headed Mike Hoover
224. Manny Stillwaggon, the Man with the Handlebar Eyebrows
225. Bean-Horder Newt
226. Texas Emil
227. The Moor of Venice
228. Averroes Nix
229. Human Hair Blanket Morris Burnes
230. Canadian Paul Tough
231. Crooner Sy
232. Manuel Pants-Too-High
233. Sylvia Patience Hidden-Forks
234. Sung, the Land Pirate
235. Opie, the Boston Bum
236. Hard-Flossing Hope Peak
237. Stingo the Bandana Origami Prodigy
238. Franklin Ape and His Inner Ear Infection
239. Questionable-Judgment Theodore Stomachbrace
240. Thermos H. Christ
241. Sir Mix-a-Lot
242. The Nine Doctor Whos
243. Lord Winston Two-Monocles
244. The Freewheelin’ Barry Sin
245. Diego the Spark-Spitter
246. American Citizen Zane Spain
247. Abraham, the Secret Collector of Decorative China
248. Linty Sullivan, the Lint-Collector
249. Socks Monstor
250. Ma Churchill
251. Pappy Churchill
252. The Young Churchillv 253. The Young Churchill’s Hated Bride
254. Churchill-Lover Phineas Redfish
255. Crispus T. Muzzlewitt
256. Stain-Sucker Duncan
257. Dick the Candy Dandy
258. Albuterol Inhaler Preston McWeak
259. Longtime Listener, First-Time Caller
260. Mastiff Mama
261. Tennessee Ernie Dietz
262. Sharkey, the Secret Cop
263. Gooseberry Johnson, Head Brain of the Hobosphere
264. Weekend-Circular Deborah
265. Marcus Chickenstock
266. Stunted Newton
267. Magnus Shortwave
268. U.S. Fool
269. Manatee the Railyard Toreador
270. Utah Manfred Succor-Munt
271. Laura Delite
272. Edwin Winnipeg
273. Eyepatch Reese Andiron
274. Tom False-Lips Real-Teeth
275. Fablon Darkness
276. Cricket-Eating Charles Digges
277. Pally McAffable, Everybody’s Friend
278. Sully Straightjacket
279. Half-Dollar Funk Nelson
280. Whitman Sampler
281. Chilli-Mix Wilma Bensen
282. Sting, the Glowing Blade
283. Professor Challenger
284. Lil’ Shorty Longhorn
285. Rumpshaker Phil
286. Swing State Myron
287. Alistair Crowley, the Devil
288. Gutthrower Sy Salt
289. Sweetback Barney, the Dilettante
290. The Car-Knocker Killer
291. Ghe Chamberlain
292. The Emperor
293. The Ritual-Master
294. The Garthim-Master
295. The Scientist
296. The Gourmand
297. The Slave-Master
298. The Treasurer
299. The Scroll Keeper
300. The Ornamentalist
301. Captain Slick-Talk
302. Sackfist, the Tapdancing Trombo
303. Souvenir-Selling Mlodinow
304. Blind Buck and “Woozy,” the Invisible Seeing-Eye Dog
305. Roundhouse Farter
306. Red Ball Pnutz
307. Fake Cockney Accent Allan Strippe
308. Air and Whiskey Dale McGlue
309. Johnny RC Airplane
310. Narcotic Morgan Suds
311. Sir Francis Drank
312. Mahayana Mike
313. Miniyana Geoffrey
314. Three-Bean Otz
315. Maury the Monsoon
316. Czech Czarlie Czill
317. Sssssssssssssssss, the Hisser
318. Thanatos Koch
319. Henry Eatsmelts
320. Modem-Sniffer Gunderson
321. Half-Albino Alejandro
322. Gluttonous-Slim
323. Ragweed-Allergic Matt
324. Amorous Luminous Dirk
325. Moray Eel Ken Elmer
326. The Railbender
327. Antonio the Obbudsman
328. Karl Solenoid IV
329. Czar King Rex the Glorious Leader
330. Andy Bunkum
331. Plastic-Moustache Mortimer Tall
332. Samuel Gel Insole
333. Lemuel Gel Insole
334. Amanda Until
335. Crispy Whiskery
336. Robert Louis Stevenson, the Pirate
337. Hobo Overload
338. Leopard Print Stephen Kane
339. Astonishing Shaun Eyelash
340. Billy Creak Knees
341. Owlie
342. Anwar, the Bionic
343. Reasonably Priced Motel Reese Unber
344. Fibery Dana
345. Cranberry Sauce Oppenheimer
346. Nancified Frederick
347. The Loon
348. Itinerant Jane
349. Holy Hannah Hottentot-Smythe
350. Fleabattle Boone
351. Amazin’ Jack Caroo
352. Stupefying P, the Riddle-Maker
353. Todd Flaky-Palms
354. Waspwaist Fritz
355. Judge Roughneck
356. Slam Dance Dooz
357. Mariah Duckface, the Beaked Woman
358. Count Mesmerize
359. Sonny-Boy Oedipus Acre
360. Pick the Mama Susan Xavier
361. Chelsea Bacon
362. Archie Axe
363. Sally Hoot-Hoot
364. Mr. Pendleton
365. Saves-Receipts Dave
366. Sir Walter British
367. Elmer, the Crankscout
368. Golden Neck
369. Marianated Alex Pons
370. El Boot
371. Shapeshifting Demon
372. Jeremiah Tip Top
373. Amando CeeCee Strobelight
374. Irving Alva Edison, Inventor of the Hobophone
375. Leather Apron
376. Lead Apron
377. Foil Apron
378. Burnt Goathead
379. Saint Sorryass
380. Overly Familiar Fung
381. Chalmers, the Bridge Champ
382. Elephantine McMoot
383. Neekerbeeker Perry Toenz
384. Teattime BB Stiles
385. Coalie T
386. Hubbel “I Predicted Lindy Hop” Deerblind
387. Hubie Hewitt, the Broadway Legend
388. Huge Crybaby McWeepy
389. Poo-Knickers Elias
390. Elffriend Weingarten
391. Forktongue Nigel Fork
392. Woodeye Apfel
393. Hairlip Mikhail
394. Solid First Draft Patton Taylor
395. Prettynickles, the Lamb
396. Not-Only But-Also Pete
397. Penthief Hickock
398. La Grande Mel
399. Applebee O’Bennigan McFridays
400. Lardy Jerry Lardo
401. Low-Carb Aleks Stovepipe
402. Hugo Stares
403. Eldred Splinters
404. Oliver, the Train-Oyster
405. Pring, Ultralord of the Hobo Jungle
406. Utz, the Crab Chip
407. Slat-and-Pepper Chest
408. Beverly Hills Buntz
409. Mississippi Barry Phlem
410. Matter-Eater Brad
411. 49 State Apthorp, the Alaska-phobe
412. New Hampshire Todd
413. “Taxachusetts” Glenn
414. Hydrocephalic Jones
415. Vermont “Greenmountain Boy” Phil Marijuana
416. Alaska Mick the Crabber
417. Arizona Ludwig
418. California Ainsley Shortpants
419. Collegeboy Brainiac, the Hobo Einstein
420. Dr. Zizmor
421. Silas Swollentoe
422. Songbird Holden Fop
423. Aspiring Jaster
424. Illinois Obama
425. Sammy Austere
426. New Mexico Anselm Turquoise-Eater
427. Caboose-fouling Ferris Ntz
428. Prayerful Stan, the Bent-Knee Yahoo
429. Four Fisted Jock Socko
430. Buttery Cheeks Anton
431. Shadow (Blinky) Preston
432. Godigisel the Vandal
433. Gunderic Godigiselson
434. Panzo the Spiral Cut Ham
435. Smoke Collecting Reg
436. Hot Gnome Jimmy Jackson
437. Pontius Cornsilk-Heart
438. Sanford Who Lacks Fingerprints
439. Treesap-covered N. Magruder
440. Thor Hammserkold the Mexican
441. Bingo Balls Nick Chintz
442. Bleedingtoe the Barefoot Bo
443. Hondo “Whatever That Lizard is That Walks on Water”
444. Salami Sunshine
445. Fourteen Bindlestick Frank
446. Oregon Brucie Shunt
447. Pirandello the Many Bearded
448. Quinn and His Quakeroats Box Drum
449. Fatneck Runt
450. My e-hobo dotcom
451. Somersaulting Mike Spitz
452. Bo ‘bo
453. Abelard “Sunken Treasure” Lowtrousers
454. Colin, that Cheerful Fuck
455. Battling Joe Frickinfrack
456. Monsieur Dookie, the Francophonic Freak
457. Happy Horace Noosemaker
458. Hieronymous Crosseyes
459. Crumbjacket Timmy
460. Overload-the-Dishwasher Mac
461. Rhythmic Clyde Hopp
462. Microbrew Stymie
463. El Caballo, the Spanish Steed
464. Lee Burned-Beyond-Recognition
465. Hollering Martin Mandible
466. Damien Pitchfork Beast, the Freightyard Devil
467. Handformed Hamburger Clarence West
468. Dr. Nobel Dynamite
469. Pickled Noggin Nettles
470. Mischievous Craig Kittles
471. Baldy Lutz, the Amityville Horror
472. Ashen Merle Buzzard
473. Frypan Nonstick McGee
474. Singleminded Hubbard
475. Maryland Sol Saynomore
476. Baked Salmon Salad Finn
477. Unshakably Morose Flo
478. Fr. Christian Irish, the Deep Fat Friar
479. Smokestack-hugger Jools Nygaard
480. Fossilwise Opie Fingernail
481. Tab Collar Dix
482. George Slay, the Duck Throttler
483. Eldon Waxhat, the Waterproof Man
484. Timely Clayton, the human wristwatch (so named not because of his
punctuality, but because one arm was significantly shorter than the
other.
485. Both Dakotas Dave
486. Duke Jeremiah Choo Choo
487. Transistorized Maximillian, the Hobo Cyborg
488. Gravelbed Gavin Astor
489. Pantless, Sockless, Shoeless Buster Bareass
490. Alternate Dimension Bela Boost
491. Atlas Flatshoulders
492. Scurvied Leo Falsebreath
493. Toby Anchovy, the Canned Man
494. Mad Max
495. The Goose
496. Not the Goose
497. Mister Torso, the Legless Wonder
498. Jedediah Dryasdust
499. Loving Vincent Hugsalot
500. The Rambling, Rambling Boris Wander
501. Business-Class Klaus Riel
502. Emergency Exit Aisle Gustav Nook
503. Unnervingly Candid Nicky Thain
504. Snoops Lightstep Trenchcoat, the Hobo PI
505. William Carlos Williams
506. Beef Grease Porter Dripchin
507. Exoskeletoten Chester Fields
508. Roth IRA Romero Leeds, the Well Prepared
509. Bum-Smiter Phillip
510. Bum-Hating Virgil Hate-Bum
511. Thor the Bum-Hammer
512. Bum-Tolerant Brendan Sleek
513. Most Agree: It’s Kilpatrick
514. The Beloved Dale Thankyounote
515. Unpronouncable
516. Thad Malfeasance
517. Chiseltooth Muck Manlyv 518. Amsterdam Jocko
519. Sinister Leonard Longhair
520. Beery Clife the Eunuch
521. Chaim the Squirrelkeeperv
522. Nightblind and Colorblind, the Blind Twins
523. Milosz the Anarchist Pupeteer
524. Jimmy “New Man Neanderthal
525. Lonnie Pina Colada
526. Washington State Army Swipe
527. Gopher-State Sam, the Minnesota Man
528. Candle-Eyed Sally
529. Packrat Red and his Cart o’ Sad Crap
530. Trixie of the East
531. Trixie of the West
532. Fine-Nipple Tom Bazoo
533. The Friends of Reginald McHate Society
534. Oregon Perry Hashpipe
535. Bold ‘n’ Zesty Brad
536. Mermaid Betty Scales
537. Spotted Dick
538. Shanty Queen Elizabeth Regina
539. Nichols Crackknucklev 540. Stew Socksarewarm
541. Huge-Calves Dwight
542. A-Number-1
543. N-Number-13
544. Arthur Moonlight
545. Andrea Clarke, the Human Shark
546. Monkey’s-Paw Patterson
547. Myron Biscutspear, the Dumpster Archelogist
548. Ollie Ebonsquirrel
549. The Classic Brett Martin
550. Douglas, the Future of Hoboing
551. Ironbelly Norton
552. Dilly Shinguards
553. Rufus Caboose
554. Rear Admiral JF Grease Pencil
555. King Cotton
556. Prince Hal Oystershuck, the Royal Shucker
557. Unconditional Gavin
558. Squirrelcloak
559. Idaho Woody Harrelson
560. Jane the Boxcar Beekeeper
561. Aaron Three-Shirts
562. Paste-Smeller Luke
563. Lowly Highly
564. Elihu Skinpockets
565. Marian May Wyomingsong
566. Stitches the Railyard Sutureman
567. Klonopin Clyde
568. Benny Twenty-Squirrles
569. Chiceny-Flavored Remy Bunk
570. Juicepockets Thomas Moone
571. Eustace Feetbeer
572. Amnesiac Jared Stringy
573. Shagrat, Orc of the Ozarks
574. Billy Butterfly Net
575. Ammonia Cocktail Jones
576. Norma Shinynickles
577. Jonathan Crouton
578. Antigone Spit
579. El Top-Hat Swindlefingers
580. Pompom the Texas Dancing Dog
581. Gin-Bucket Greg
582. Yuri Trimble, the Alien Pod-Person
583. South Carolina Sarah Lardblood
584. Bloody-Stool La Salle
585. Pith-Helmet Andy
586. Self-Taught-Guitarist Edmundv
587. Don Tamasino di Shit-the-Bed
588. Markansas
589. Neckfat JK Trestle
590. Pansy Overpass
591. Ralph Raclette Cornichon, Hobo of the Mountains
592. Montana Nbdego Tchlk
593. Unbearably Oenophilic Ned
594. Jonas Tugboy, Professional Masturbator
595. Cinderfella Nana Dane
596. Kerosene-Soaked Tom
597. Black-Bottle Priam
598. Pinprick Butell5
599. Stool-Sample Frank
600. Iowa Noam Chomsky
601. Etienne, Roi of the Rapier
602. Amesy Squirrelstomper, the Chipmunk preferrer
603. Ned Gravelshirt
604. NPR Willard Hotz, the Soothing-Voiced
605. Amen to Polly Fud
606. Constantly Sobbing Forrester
607. Maine-iac Leonid
608. Magnetized James
609. Hobo Jake Jerrold, Representing the Whole Mid-Atlantic Region
610. Jiminy Sinner
611. Pamela Chickeneggs (i.e., Hobo Caviar)
612. Chuck McKindred: Not So Holy, But Very Moley
613. Q the Quantum Man
614. Salad-Fork Ron
615. Warbling Timmy Tin Voince and His Voicebox
616. Ambassador Roasting Pan
617. Warren Smazell, Founder of Hobotics
618. Ventriloquism Jimmy and “madam,” the Talking Bean Can
619. Nosepicker Rick Pick
620. The Black Squirrel Fairy
621. Alabama Edsel Brainquake
622. Kid Silverhair, the Man of Indeterminate Age
623. Catscratch Tremont Nude
624. Bill Jaundice
625. Sugarhouse Morris the Snapper
626. Nutrition-Shake Emery
627. Nicknameless Norris SHine
628. Stinging Polly Papercuts
629. Deke Hidden Hornets’ Nest
630. The Wisconsin Scourge
631. Brendan Headbristles
632. His Excellency Nooney Sockjelly
633. Whistling Anus Mecham, Le Petomaine
634. Talmidge, the Bactine Bearer
635. Tailstump Gunther, the Vestigial Man
636. The Hon, Charlie Weed-Farmer
637. Philatelist Joey Licks
638. Old Pliny Dance-for-Ham
639. Rheumy Sven
640. Wormy Glenn and Nootka the Flatworm
641. Hidalgo, the Devil Stick Artiste
642. The Fucky from Kentucky
643. Prince Bert in Exile, the Man in the Foil Mask
644. Siderodromophobic Billy
645. Antlered Calvin
646. Cambridge Massachusetts Claude
647. Cyrus the Persian Sturgeon
648. Kneepants Erasmus, the Humanist
649. Little Gavin Spittle
650. Tar-tongue Godfrey Strange
651. Honeypalms Gordon Lips
652. Luke “the Lifestyle” Dammmers
653. Simon Squirrelskin
654. Scapbicker Sandy Rump
655. Chicken Butt, Five Cents a Cut
656. Wise Solomon Babysplitter
657. Telekinetic Dave B.
658. Telekinetic Dave F.
659. Whiskeyblood Willie Sot
660. Unger and his Duststorm Bride
661. Zachary Goatflirter
662. “La Grippe”
663. Uranus John, the Star-Traveler
664. Accusin’ Tim Dunn
665. Tennessee Linthelmet
666. The Unformed Twin of Tennessee Linthelmet
667. Turkeyballs Paco
668. Andre the Indianapolist
669. Wally Dregs, the Newfoundland Screech
670. Flaky Mike Psoriasis
671. Hell’s Own Beath Hinkley
672. Gerald Chapcheeks
673. Acid-Saliva Curly Stokes
674. Oklahoma Stilgar
675. Rocky Shitstain Mankowicz
676. Rocky Shitstain Mankowicz Part II, the Quickening
677. Professor [Omega sign blogger doesn’t reproduce]
678. Sanitized-for-Your-Protection Eddie Summers
679. Jan, the Jager-Meister
680. Big-Tipper Silas Fake-Nickel
681. Anaerobic Eben Stiles
682. Replicant Wemberly Plastiskin and his Clockwork Squrrel “Toothy”
683. Harry Coughblood
684. Aesop Bedroll, the Fluffy Pillow Man
685. Window-Kisser Roger
686. Experimental Hobo Infiltration Droidl “41-K”
687. Baron Bayonet, the Bull-Sticker
688. Mickey Gluesniff
689. Bell’s-Palsy Brennan
690. Chiptooth Berman, the Bottle Biter
691. Undertaker Robert, the Lint-Coffin Weaver
692. Betty, the Exorcist
693. Tittytwister Blake Horrid
694. Mallory Many-Bruses
695. Mad or Sad Judd (no one can tell)
696. Troglodytic Amory Funt
697. Smokehouse “Frankie” Jowl-Poker
698. Utility-Belt Deana
699. The Unstoppable Will of Wade Terps
700. Trainwhistle Ernie Roosevelt, the President’s Long-Lost Brother


LESS HOBO-EY NICKNAMES (OR ONES THAT I CAME UP WITH WHEN DRUNK):
LIL HITLER
CRANDALL “PIGTAILS” LIMITED
CHEZAROO
JAUNDICE BONEYARD THE FIRST
SPINELESS PETE
GREAT FACELESS
LIMBER LEGS TOM DANDY AND HIS DOG ANDY
INCAN EXAMPLES
BONNIE WHETSTONE
DIRIGIBLE BOOTJACK
GRIDDLES
MUCK MUCK
OLD PANTS
NOTHIN’-BUT-ELBOWS
APPLESAUCE
KRINKY
CLAPTRAP
KELLY THE POWDER
EASY STEVE’S BLUE COMB
CARDBOARD
BROKELEGS JIMBO JAM
EMPTYNESS SQUARED
CRAW
KEELHAUL SHOUT
ABE SCRIMSHAW
BEARHUG BARRY BOONDOCK
ROLLERS
THE HAIRLESS COMMA
WILLIE’S FUNNY LIP
CHRISTINA OPPENHEIMER
JUMBLES
BIG RODNEY THE MOONRUNNER
CRACKHOUR
SERGENT BEEHIVES
HOPI WAY
OL’ RINGNECK
TOELESS MARK FROM NEWARK
THE CANNON
SQUINCH
SILKBUTT MUSCLEBATH
PIGGY-HAS-THE-CONCH
A MAN NAMED DANA
HOLLOWBODY
SPINDLES
TH’ KRAUTMAN
SALTLICK O’MALLEY
BRUCE FESTOONED
RIOTGEAR
BOWLS IN THE HEATHER
THE TARPTOWN RAT
LISPY STEVE AND HIS BAD KNEES
OBVORT
RINDELL VON POPPYCOCK
WET FUR
CLIMBY THE MAGIC BUNNY
AGENT SNOOSEJUICE
DOT MATRIX
BEANPOLE BILLY
JUDAS CHRIST
SONNY NONO
FALLABOUT COSTAS
SUBPAR FRANK BLEMISH
THE EMPTY ZIPPO
STITCHY RICH
BLAUSER
THE HINKLEY HOME
STUNGUN FUNRUN
THE HAPPY SWEDE AND COMPANY
TINGLES
TUSKLEG JOHNNY QUICKSTEP
THE APPLEDUMPLING GANG
ROUSTABOUT
CLAN OHIO
NUTLICK SICK BROTH
MEAT AND DAIRY LARRY THE BAD JEW
BOUNCE
THE COLOR GREEN
KING TOOT
HOPELESS SAL AND HIS SACK OF TOWELS
BRUNDELFLY
PONYMEAT
FLOUNCY FRED FORSYTHE
THE PEDDLAR
CORNELIOUS REX
THE SQUARE PEG CONUNDRUM
TOBACCO JACKSON
TIMEBUCKLER
AMANDA GOREY’S STORIES
FLESHY
BIG BAD DOORMAT
RON POPEIL
BENT-THUMBS DE LOS JIMMY KAHN
THE RANCOR
PENNILESS PAPA SLOE GIN
PROUST HE IS NOT
THE ALBERTA FLIER
DEVIL ABOUT HIM
DEAD BATTERY LOU
FILTHMAGNET
WOLFHOWL MIKE ONSLAUGHT
CURRENT RESIDENT
HANGDOG
JOWLY JOE THE JEWEL THEIF
SUGGESTION NUMERO ONE AUGHT FOUR
THE BIG SHINE
PHIL THE PILL MAKIN’ HIS SWILL
PRONE TO THAT
HORSEHEAD CARLA MONTELBAUM
EDDIE MONEY
THE VICIOUS CRAYFISH
WAGGLES
YASMINE BEEF
LOCKLEDOCKS
TEX ZOUNDSLAW
PRICKLY WES THE HABERDASHER
COUNT DULL
STAN’S MAGIC KNIFE
KRULL
THE CAPITAL PUNISHER
TIPPLER DAN
HAL SPAWN
MONKEY BITE GREG AND HIS DAMN SCARS
STURDY
WAXPAPER
PHINEOUS BRICKS
BRUISE-O-TRON
PORKSHOULDER STINKBREATH
OUT-AND-OUT VINCE
DESTRUCTO-CON
BOATS KEOPPLE
MALLORY AND NICK
THA GOOCH
VICA VICA
TOOTH
THE UNSUNG ONE
SPLEE-DOW
DUCKBUTTER JARED AIN’T-GOT-NO-COMB
SHYSTER BLOWDART
OVER-AND-UNDER MITCHELL, THE LAWLESS DIRTBAG
DRUG TZAR TIM FLASK
ROLL ‘EM UP FLO
BEAM
FLEX ANDERSON THE QB
ROPESPOOL LUKE HANK-A-TWINE
VOOM
ITINERANT SHITHEEL
MY FRIEND BEN, BEN DOVER
ON THE HALFBEAT
JEN BOUCH THE HORRIBLE SLOUCH
PRAGMATIC SHOES SETH
SAVOY
THE DARK QUESTION MARK
ALOHA ED
CRAFTY
TRIPPIN’ THROUGH THE DEW
A VILLIANOUS MOVEMENT
MC TED
OMBLONG
HEADLICE THE CREEP
NEW HAMPSHIRE MAN
YELLOWHAIR THE PREMORBID SCHIZOID
CREEPYCRAWL CHARLIE’S HEEBIE-JEEBIES
PRIVATE POLIO
ALAN ALDA
COOKIE
MR. SUCH-AND-SUCH
THE HOLY GLUESTICK
NICK AND JESSICA
TIGERTOOTH
OUTHOUSE ELI BARRELS
PRICEMART CAN-O-SOUP
SATCHEL
THE VULGAR KID
SPLO
SHEDEVIL SUCCUBUS WIDOWMAKER
HOLLY-ON-THE-SPOT
BRAINSCAN BILL, THE FLANNEL SHIRT SAWBONES
KING CARP
APONE GOREMAN SPUNKMEYER VASQUEZ
UNDERLING
MISERABLE JEAN
FAULKNER
FITCHA
PICKLEBOY THE ALMIGHTY
RULE NUMBER ONE
THOU
VIGODA PAGODA
BLOEDEL
VICEROY MOE
MASTER BLASTER
BUTTPUMP
THE HONORABLE LEO LIMA-BEANS
STACKHOUSE SANDY AND HER BUSTED UMBRELLA
JAYBIRD KINSMAN
LANCE-O-MATIC
PEWTER CUP CLAIRE PUTTIN’ ON AIRS
SQUEAKERS
JAH
HOUNDDOG HARRY HEARTBREAK
BOOFULLO BRYCE
CHAUNCE
SPASTIC KEN OBERLAND, MR. NEVERMIND
THEE SNOWY GHOST
ICKY
CYCLOPS DWORMAN
BLACK JACK DON’T TAKE NO FLACK
THE MAYOR OF LOSERVILLE
DIANE SAYWER
THE WEST COAST’S OWN ADAM ADAMSON
MOLE-NOSE BETH
FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT
BITCH BITCH BITCH
THE PINKO CONTINGENCY
HALIFAX MAX, PENNYLOAFERS AND PLEATS
SCORCH
SLACKS JACKSON
THE TWINS
SLITHERY GUS
A SINGLE TROY OUNCE
SYMMETRICAL THOMAS
FLUME ZOOM HAPPYHOUR
THE RUDE DUDE FROM ST. JUDE
OXPLOW
FOSHAY WALLABE
SAMUEL’S ART OF THE CROOKED BUTT
MOTHER MA’AM
PAGE 68
COUNTLESS HAMMERS
APPLECORE ALICE AND HER CLUBFOOT CHEWY
SUSAN LUCCI
COLOSSUS
SHIVERY QUINN
THE LOONEY UP ON TOGUSBERG
FREAKED OUT HATEMAKER
PINCH BISCUIT
NIGGER JIM
SCOTT LOTT, THE MAN WITH THE HATEFUL PARENTS
BOO BOO SHANKS
PROFESSOR BISMAL
STEED
GENERAL(LY) BOX-O-WINE-I-DON’T-MIND
SHUCKS
HE WHO LIVES IN DARKNESS AND DWELLS IN THE NETHERREGIONS
BRADYPUS THE SLOTH
MISTRESS LILY
TH’ GUILD OF FURIOUS BUS-HUMPERS
DUKE JINX, THE GREAT MR. NATIONWIDE
DUCKNECK CARL
SCREETCH
THE NO-NO MAN
POCKMARK KEV BOODLE
TURBOZONE
THREE-BEER LUCY
L’QUISHAUNDRAVA BROWN
THE SILENCE
PERVY CLINT
COMMANDER OCHO
THEM PLUS ONE
TROUTMAN SCAB
MOOKIEMOUSE
TIM KOCH THE TOPEKA DUTCHMAN
REMMINGTON STEELE
POPOV
BLOODSHOT SHAWN, INTERNATIONAL DRUNK OF MYSTERY AND MISERY
BOOSHES TOETAG
GHENGIS CORN
STUB-FINGERS MCGRUDER
THE WINNINGEST ELK
PETE AND REPEAT
THE GHOST LOW RIDER
SICK OL’ STINCHY RIVERRAT
SKIDROW MOLLY SHIV-IN-THE-GUT
SKRANK SQUAREDANCE
BILGE
COOTS KIMBALL
THE GERMAN PILS
OVERCOOKED BRAIN-AND-EGGS
CREEDO CRINOLINE CACAPHONIC MAMA
FLUSTERDESK
JOEY PITCH-A-FIT
PREDATOR-MOUTH
VAUGHN TRELLIS, THE IGNORAMOUS
STAPLE-GUN
PONY CHARLESTON’S BEARD OF ILL REPUTE
SKUNKS BEGGER-LICE
THE PHANTASMIC AND FURIOUS ROAR
IONOSPHERE AND HIS VAN-ALLEN BELT
BRONSON
DOCKHAND MARY QUITE CONTRARY
THA FEEJ
DOUR DAVIS HOOKER
PICK-A-WINNER PLIMP
VINI VICI VOODOO
PERUVIAN NOEL
CHUNKSTYLE
STRYCHNINE GINA ON THE BACK NINE
BUTTERFLY EYES AND HER SWEET SIDE
SKOAL-LIP

PICK ONE AND IT’LL BE YOUR NEW NAME.

time dilation